Hey gang,

For a little while now I have felt a bit out of sorts. Not in a way that is devastating or anything like that. More like I’ve been feeling as if something inside was missing, something I once had but now no longer is there.

I believe I’ve recently been able to diagnose the what the problem is, it’s funny because you’d think I’d be very quick to pick this up. So, the issue I’m having is that I don’t have any major or exciting goals to strive towards.

Years ago, the two big goals that were pushing me forward were: to get onto the NSW Biostatistics Training Program and the other was to move out and buy my own apartment. In the beginning of 2021 I’d ticked off the first goal. While in late 2021 I finally, after many years of waiting and preparing, bought my own apartment.

Now, I’m at a point where I have accomplished incredible things, which a few years back seemed so far from reach. Having arrived, I can say that I’m not overwhelmed by joy or anything. I am very thankful for the way it all turned out but it’s that cliche thing of the journey being more rewarding than the destination.

I do have one major goal that I’m aspiring towards, but that one is something that will take decades to move towards. Not saying that I’m not working on it, but it will take some years before major progress is made in that space.

In the meantime, I need to go inside myself and find what is it that in the next 12 to 24 months is something I can strive towards that will bring me meaning and fulfilment. Tomorrow morning, I will sit down and contemplate the see what I can dig up.

The process will be for me to write down all of my activities and responsibilities, then forecast what would the most ideal outcomes look like. From there I will need direct actions that I can do to step towards that direction. The next part is just repetition of that action until the breakthrough happens.

It’s odd to be 25 years old and feel as if you’ve already managed to accomplish all that you wanted. But that’s left me with this nagging feeling like I have more to contribute, but like with anything, only me as the person in control can really do anything about it.

I’ll see what I come up with.

Thanks again my Hedites